February 26 2024

  I took today off from work as I have this misguided impression that when i take a day off, it will be like it was 20 years ago when I took  a day off. I would catch up with things, all the kids would be in school and I would get to read or bake or sew something.  It would be a contentment. Not so anymore.  Despite the fact that I am past 65 and at the point where people my age are sipping pina coladas in Key Largo, the choices I made in life have left me with no money other than what I must earn.  

  Someone at a bank asked me today about my retirement savings, and I could feel myself blushing with shame when I had to admit that I have none.  All the money I had was invested and there were poor earnings at time. I also used all that money to help my three children with their homes and finances until my well became dry.  The husband I married because I thought he cared for me, left me with not a cent and the children he willed everything to have not only unfriended me on Facebook but have never even asked if they could help. I had to pack my whole life up back there in Kentucky and I was more penniless leaving than when I arrived. 

So it has been that kind of day. I am sort of down in the dumps. It stinks being 70 and a lone with no spouse and your friends are all married and live in other states now.  So the routine goes on every day but I should rejoice that I am still able to enact the ritual of work and chores. I did get a treadmill which I used this morning. I went slowly walking 20 minutes.  I plan to do this twice a week in the evening and on weekends. I will build up to at least 40 minutes like I used to in the days before I met Ron and I felt positive about life. 

 Nothing smacks you in the face than your finances when you turn that corner into being identified as "elderly".  Oh well, I cannot go back to the past. All the dreams I had cannot be realized because I am  tethered to a job for many years to come,   I have to say that despite it all, I am grateful. that I am able to work and that what I do is valued even though I do not get paid well. I have to trust God more in my life it is true and not feel so helpless.  The hymn goes, "Trust and Obey for there's no other way". and indeed there is no other way.  I have to trust in the Lord to provide and not worry. Easier to say than do , of course. Another thing to feel guilty about.  
 

 A happy thing to look forward to is that my submission for my local library's display has been accepted.  It is scheduled for the month of March 2025 where I will have my One Room School Items on display for the patrons.  From this I hope to weave a presentation during that time where I can give a talk on one room school house education , something I have been studying for years. Well, this was sort of a depressing entry but tomorrow should be a better day I pray.